


tu me manques

by waterlit



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Moving On, Romance, but offscreen, old fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-06-22 06:11:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15575517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterlit/pseuds/waterlit
Summary: Lovelorn, love-torn.





	tu me manques

Lenalee unfolds the letter, fingers gently prying the thin paper apart, and stretches it flat against her desk. She leans back, sips at her hot chocolate, and reads. The words spill from the page, settling like an avalanche of rocks on her chest, like a sea of shadows trying to flee from a long-sealed cave.

"Dearest Lenalee," Lenalee reads. She finds it hard to wrap her tongue around even these simplest of words. There's something missing—she can't quite remember how Lavi used to say these same words, the feel of him so evident in the pronunciation and tenor.

"I watched the sunset yesterday, and thought of you."

* * *

 

"Lavi," Lenalee said, clutching Lavi's coat. Her fingers tried to smooth out the tiny wrinkles along his lapels. "Be safe. Call me when you reach, alright?"

"I'll be fine, Lena, don't you worry. And I'll be back in six months." Lavi took Lenalee's cold hands into his own. He brushed her palms with his fingers. "And yes, I will Skype you once I reach the hostel."

"Lavi," Allen called from the side where he stood with Cross and the pile of luggages, "it's about time."

"I've got to go." Lavi squeezed Lenalee's hands one final time before he let them go.

"Lavi, wait," Lenalee said, then threw her arms around Lavi, laying her head against the crook of Lavi's neck. She didn't want to let go.

Lavi chuckled slightly and kissed the top of her head. "I'll be back soon, dearest."

"I know," Lenalee said. She let go of him, then clutched his coat again. "I'll wait for you here. Don't forget me!"

"Of course I won't, you silly goose," Lavi said as he kissed her on the cheek. "I'll be back before you know it! You won't even notice that I left."

He was gone in a flash of brown, waving, waving, and tears glistened in Lenalee's eyes as she watched Lavi and Allen enter the departure hall.

* * *

 

"It was beautiful, Lenalee, really beautiful, like spilled ink and a sea of crayon colours, and so red, so orange, so purple! It was indescribable, it was beautiful. Like you, dearest."

Lenalee pauses; a strange coldness gathers within her, because she knows what will come, how the memories will steamroll her into a vale of tears, how the shadows still cling to her soul, grief a tree both blooming and withering in her heart. She pauses, and takes another sip of hot chocolate.

"I'm writing this not to tell you that you're beautiful—you are, my darling, but I have something else to say today. I've had... let's call them premonitions."

* * *

 

Before they knew it, half a term passed them by, but the gnawing longing was still there.

Their Skype dates came and went, and they were always a source of great happiness to both Lenalee and Lavi.

On their fifteenth Skype date, Lenalee smiled at Lavi. "You'll be back soon."

"Yes, I will," Lavi said, smiling in turn. "It's not long now. Are you excited?"

"Of course I am, you silly boy!"

"I miss you, Lena. Even now."

"I miss you too."

"Watch the sunsets when you miss me; that's what I do when I miss you. We might not be watching the same sunsets, but one of us would have watched the same sun set at some point."

"That sounds like a good idea," Lenalee said.

Lavi laughed, truly laughed, and his laughter seemed too good to be true; too fey; it seemed to shake the earth.

* * *

 

"I know I promised you that I will be back soon. But I'm afraid of the vagaries of fate. I am frightened for you, dearest, for what you will feel when you hear the news, whatever this terrible news might be. Of course, I am not sure how things will go. It may be that I am dreaming and thinking silly things. But it may also be that my fears will come to pass."

"Stupid boy, foolish boy," Lenalee said, wiping at her eyes.

"I love you, Lena, no matter what may come to pass. I want you to know that."

* * *

 

"Lena," Komui said, "I just received a call."

"Who was it?" Lenalee asked, giving her brother a sidelong glance.

"Bookman." Komui's face tightened slightly.

Lenalee frowned and leaned forward as she noticed her brother looking a little greyer than usual. "Is something wrong? Is Lavi alright?"

"Lena," Komui said, catching her hands, "I want you to take a deep breath. Like so."

"I am breathing. Tell me! What's the matter?" Lenalee's voice shook despite her best efforts to control it; suddenly, everything seemed grey, and even the very air seemed to have solidified around her.

"It's Lavi."

"What happened?" Lenalee asked, almost shrieking.

"He—" Komui averted his eyes, then glanced back at Lenalee. "He's—he was found this morning, bleeding. Allen told Bookman."

"How is he now? Is he still bleeding? Which hospital is he in? Can I fly there to visit him? I—"

"Lena," Komui said, very gently, "They are flying his body back."

"Flying his body? Back? What does that—you don't mean—Lavi can't be—"

"I am sorry, Lena. Very sorry." Komui drew Lenalee into his arms and felt her shaking as grief and shock washed over her like a tremendous wave.

"But how? Why?" Lenalee asked, tears forming in her eyes.

"He was mugged, Bookman said. He didn't want to say more, the poor old man."

"Oh, Lavi," Lenalee said, clinging onto Komui. "He was so happy. So happy. And now he's gone."

Komui hugged her tightly. "Lena—"

"He promised he'd come back, he promised. He promised..."

"I know, Lena, I know."

"He promised," she said, and finally grief overtook the words she wanted to say, the questions she wanted to ask; tears tumbled out of her eyes, an avalanche, a storm, and she wept.

* * *

 

The shadows creep up the walls like spiders, spinning webs of grief and loss. Lenalee curls up in her chair and continues to read the letter.

"Because I love you, I want you to move on if anything happens to me. Do you understand, Lena? You are the most wonderful girl I've met, and I don't want you moping over me for life. So move on, okay? I know it'll be hard, but you can do it! I have faith in you, dearest. Keep a space in your heart for me, for your memories of our time together, but move on. Find a new man to love; have children; go for picnics; go star-gazing; take long walks along beaches—live life to the fullest!"

Lenalee's voice almost cracks with the grief bubbling through the veins.

"I love you, Lena. I want you to know that, in case anything happens. Good night—and good bye, dearest. I love you, and I want you to always be happy. Remember that."

Lenalee breaks down and sobs with wild abandonment.

After a while, she lifts her head, dries her eyes and glances at the photo collage pinned on her wall, where a handful of Lavi's grinning faces beams down on her. "It's been one year, Lavi. I will try to live well. For you."

**Author's Note:**

> First posted on FFN in Jan 2013.


End file.
